*It has been three miserable hours riding polar bears through the Tundra.
They've seen nothing of interest, unless you count that strange furry white man-looking thing. The tour guide referred
to it as something called a sasquatch, but no one is really listening to him because he doesn't really seem to know what he's
doing. Unbeknowance to him, the gang's been trying to figure out which way they came from so that they can abandon him
and his stupid polar bears in the tundra.*
Kagome: Guys, this guy is acting really wierd, i think
he might be after the jewel!
Inuyasha: Kagome! Don't be so stupid! He
woulda attacked by now!
TG: *mumbling excitedly* Must have jewel!
The master wants the jewel.
Kagome: Inuyasha, I don't know...
Inuyasha: Shut up and let me worry about it.
Feh...stupid girl...
Kagome: You know what Inuyasha! You are such
a jerk! I don't know why I'm in love with - *chokes on her words* Sit! Sit sit sit sit sit!
Inuasha: *splatting less than gracefully several times
on the frozen surface before breaking through and splashing into the icy water*
* the party continues on, leaving Inuyasha behind.*
Inuyasha: *climbing out of the water* hey! What
was that for! Kagome! Get back here! *shakes like a dog, but his kimono freezes sticking out at odd angles*
Kikyo: Poor Inuyasha! Come into hell with me,
it's much warmer there...*hugs him gently*
Inuyasha: Ki-kikyo? *hugs her back but accidentally
pokes her with his frozen solid kimono*
Kikyo: Ouch! I'm dead, not numb! *pulls away
and is carried away buy her soul bugs* Farewell, Inuyasha...
Inuyasha: Kikyo wait!
Kagome: Sit, boy! *stomps her foot and lets go
of the reigns of her polar bear* I can't believe I came back for you! You big jerk!
Inuyasha: Kikyo...
Kagome: Sit!
Miroku: He never learns...
TG: This is a good place to pitch camp! *cheerfully
begins chopping at the ice with...tetsusaiga?*
Inuyasha: You idiot! How did you get that?
*takes the sword and punches the tour guide in the head.*
TG: *mutters incoherently then smiles cheerfully* I
don't know!
*A large igloo appears quickly, and it appears the tour guide is digging
it with his hands...odd...*
Shippo: It doesn't make sense. We're cold so
we're going into a block of ice to get warm? It just doesn't make sense...
TG: Now! Isn't this cozy!
Inuyasha: F-F-Feh! *he seems to be shivering particularly
forcefully*
Kagome: You okay, Inuyasha?
Inuyasha: I'm f-f-fine...*sneezes*
Shippo: *peering closely at Inuyasha's feet*
That's odd. I never knew your toes were blue, Inuyasha...
Inuyasha: F-f-feh...they're n-n-not.
Miroku: *peering closely at them too* Actually
they are...
Sango: *sticking her head in there too* That
doesn't look too good.
Kagome: *glancing down at
them in alarm* That isn't good! You're getting frostbite! I told you to
wear normal clothes! And shoes! What's wrong with you! Shoes!!!
Shippo: What's frostbite?
Miroku: What do we do Kagome?
TG: *reaching for the jewelshard around Kagome's neck*
We use the shards...we must recreate his flesh...
Kagome: *moving away and glaring at the tour guide
nervously* Actually we should rub his feet to restore circulation.
Miroku: What! You want us to touch his feet!
Sango: He never takes a bath, and he never wears shoes!
Shippo: Ew...that's gross.
Kagome: Well someone's going to have to do it! Either
that or he could lose his whole foot!
Inuyasha: Hey! Don't I get a say in what happens
here?
Kagome: Why? So you can call Kikyo?
Inuyasha: Feh! NO!
Because I don't want to lose a foot. I'll never become a true demon if that happens.
Sesshomaru: *appears riding a huge strange white demon
beast* Don't worry little brother, I'll cut them both off for a sense of symmetry! *jumps downa and draws Tenseiga*
Inuyasha: Hey! Where did you come from?
Sesshomaru: *maddly chopping Inuyasha* Die Inuyasha!
*the group stares at him dumbly*
Inuyasha: Um...Fluffy?
Sesshomaru: Hahahahahaha!
Sango: *whispers to miroku* Doesn't he remember
that's a sword of healing...
Sesshomaru: Ha- Wait...I got ahead of myself.
This is a useless sword! *hops back onto the gigantic white demon beast*
Shippo: What is that thing? *points to Sesshomaru's
fluff(?)*
Sesshomaru: You are an idiot... I will take tetsusaiga
and then chop you with that! Bwa hahahah!
Inuyasha: Well, Sesshomaru...I thank you for healing
me, but now I'm going to take you down. This time I'll chop off both your arms...and your feet! *lunges at him*
Sesshomaru: Uh-oh gotta go...*dissappears into the
sky*
Kagome: *wailing* This vacation is turning into
a disaster!
Inuyasha: Yeah! You coward! Come back and
fight me!
TG: If it is a fight you want Inuyasha...I will be
more than happy to oblige.
*the group turns to the tour guide who has begun sprouting
strange purple and pink tentacles out of his head*
Inuyasha: Wha-What are you?
TG: I'm a tour guide! Bwa ha ha ha! Naraku
promised me a promotion to Hawaii if I killed you, Inuyasha, and took your jewel shards.
Sesshomaru: *appearing suddenly on his giant white
demon beast* Ooooh! Let me play with your hair! It's so lively!
Kagome: Didn't you just run away?
Sesshomaru: Yes, but I simply can't resist playing
with such amazing hair...
TG: *smack Sesshomaru's hands away* Stop that!
I'm being threatening here!
Sesshomaru: *pulling a pair of scissors from somewhere
inside his...fluff.* How about a pageboy! Yes, that would look lovely on you!
TG: Stop it! No!!!!!!! * shriveles up as
Sesshomaru chops away his tentacles*
Sesshomaru: That's rude. I just finished doing
his hair!
Kagome: Naraku's minions just aren't the same anymore.
They're so wussy...
Sango: It was horrible! Such a sucktapular haircut!
Miroku: *wrapping his arms around her and 'pinching'*
It's okay Sango! I know, it was aweful.
Sango: *twisting his arm behind him* You are
such a pervert!
Miroku: *sadly* Oh the wages of love...
Kagome: Go away Sesshomaru! We're on vacation!
Sesshomaru: *reaching down and removing the arm of
the shriveled Tour Guide* Now I can defeat you brother! With the tour guide's amazing polar bear controlling powers
now attatched to me I can whipe you all out...starting with that human girl you insist on protecting.
Inuyasha: *brandishing Tetsusaiga
angrily* You leave Kagome out of this!
Kagome: *drawing her bow and arrow* I have had
enough! First Inuyasha is too much of a jerk to just focus on having a nice vacation, and then Kikyo comes and screws
it up. *turns to Inuyasha* SIT! You idiot! She wants you to burn, Inuyasha! BURN! SIT!
*draws her arrow on Sesshomaru* And now you! You freak, you moron, you CROSSDRESSER!!! You come here and
completely obliterate any semblence of normalcy! All I wanted was to see Alaska! That's all! *fires the
arrow*
*the arrow bounces off Sesshomaru's armor and shaves away
a large chunk of hair on his head.*
Sesshomaru: *large tears welling up in his eyes*
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!! You ruined my hairstyle! It took me fifty-two years to get it back to it's beautiful
state after Inuyasha stuck gum in it!
Inuyasha: Oh yeah...I forgot about that...
Sesshomaru: And then to make matters worse, he gave
me this pathetic sword and you he gave a sword that can slay a thousand demons in one strike!
Miroku: Wind tunnel! (uncovers his hand)
Sesshomaru: No! My hair! *wails piteously
as miroku's wind tunnel sucks up the shaved hair* I could have reattatched it!
Miroku: Errrr... It's just hair, I mean, look
at me, I have the shortest hair out of the entire cast of inuyasha! Only Kagome's Grampa has less hair than me!
Quit your whining!
Shippo: This isn't fun anymore! I wanna go home!
Sango: This was never fun! Kagome! Why
couldn't we just go to Hawaii or Cancun? Someplace warm?
Kagome: *sniff* I wanted to see some place unusual!
Alaska's supposed to be so pretty, but those two! Grrrrr!
Inuyasha: *picks himself up off the ground* Ouch,
Kagome, waddaya do that for? Feh, stupid girl! I didn't do anything to you!
Shippo: Yuhuh! You went chasing after the other
girl! Remember?
Inuyasha: *grabs shippo and starts punching him on
the head* Shut up you little brat! I should have let Manten make a belt out of you!
Shippo: Kagome! Help! He's being mean to
me!
Kagome: Inuyasha!
Sesshomaru: Um...excuse me? You are all supposed
to be fighting me, remember?
Miroku: Oh yeah...
Inuyasha: That's right...
Sango: I forgot...
Shippo: What is that? *points to Sesshomaru's...fluff*
Sesshomaru: That's more like it! *waves the stolen
arm around in the air.*
Miroku: *Grabbing the arm and looking intently at the
fingers* Wow those are some incredible warts!
Sango: Hey, let me see!
Shippo: What's a wart?
Kagome: *Beats herself over the head with her bow*
Why me? Why me? Oh dear God! Why me?
Sesshomaru: Stop it! Stop it! *yanks his
hand away* First of all, that's my hand, not the fake one! Second of all, you should all be terrified of me!
Sango: Well it's kind of hard to be.
Inuyasha: You're half bald.
Kagome: You wear a fluffy boa.
Sango: You like to play with people's hair.
Inuyasha: You always lose.
Kagome: Your only servant is a frog.
Sango: You only have one arm.
Inuyasha: You ALWAYS lose.
Miroku: You look so much like a girl, that I have to
restrain myself from asking you to bear my child!
*Everyone stares at him, and blinks*
Miroku: Well, look how much make up she er...he wears!
*Everyone stares at him, and blinks*
Miroku: I'm going to go sit over there until the fight
is over. *Walks over and sits down. Appears to be meditating.*
Sesshomaru: It's not my fault! These are the
genes I was given! I'm sorry you can't handle perfection.
Shippo: What is that? *points to Sesshomaru's...fluff.*
Kagome: Shippo, why don't you go sit with Miroku, but
out of arm's reach. Suddenly I don't trust him that much!
Miroku: *stands up and yells* I'm am not a child
molester!
Inuyasha: No, you're just gay!
Miroku: I'm not gay! *says a small prayer, presumably
for self control* I was merely pointing out that he looks like a girl.
Kagome: Sit down and behave yourself!
Inuyasha: *splatting to the ground* Ooof!
Kagome!
Kagome: *blushes and scratches her head* Heh,
heh, sorry Inuyasha. I forgot not to say sit!
Inuyasha: *Splat!*
Kagome: Oh, no! I didn't mean to say sit!
Inuyasha: *SPLAT!*
Sango: Perhaps it's best if you just stop.
Kagome: You're right. I'll just go sit down with
Miroku and Shippo.
Inuyasha: *SPLAAATT!!!*
Sango: *laughing*
Sesshomaru: *whining at Kagome* You can't kill
him! I want to!
Kagome: Sorry Inuyasha! Maybe you should sit
down for a minute or two!
Inuyasha: *SPLATTTTT*
Miroku: Kagome, perhaps it's best if you don't say
anything. I dont' believe Inuyasha can handle many more "Sit" commands.
Kagome: I didn't want him to - Hah, i caught myself!
I almost said sit!
Inuyasha: *SPLAT* Kagome!!!!!!
Kagome: Errrr...heh heh. Sorry!
Sesshomaru: *watches Inuyasha pick himself up*
Are you ready, now halfbreed?
Inuyasha: Never been more! *Draws tetsusaiga*
Sesshomaru: * sticks his polar bear controlling arm
out in
front of him* Attack!
The polar bears begin to dance around singing, "Always, Coca Cola!" over and over and over.
Sesshomaru: *sitting down and crying* Why?
I hate my life! Why oh why oh why? *Wails for several minutes*
Inuyasha: *looking at polar bears dancing around*
Um... are they supposed to be doing that?
Sesshomaru: *pouting* I'm going home. *makes
his exit*
The gang goes back to Japan. They've decided the arctic tundra isn't
safe. No where is. Sesshomaru is determined to inflict his whineyness upon the world no matter where they hide
and Naraku can't take a hint that they want a vacation. Besides, the hypnotic dance of the Coca Cola poler bears has
made them all very thirsty for Coke, and they don't know where any Alaskan convenience stores are, so it's much easier
to go home.
