The
gang slowly make their way down the sidewalk. They can see the blue ocean just over the sand dune. It's beautiful.
They can't wait to get closer, to swim and have a blast in the water. It's going to be great! Shippo dances around
excitedly as he jabbers on and on about how he and his parents used to go swimming. Miroku and Sango are less...excitable.
Sango had opted to wear a baggy pair of tie-dyed oversized beach bibs. We can assume it was because of the scar on her
back. Miroku was greatly dissappointed, but did his best to hide it. Inuyasha had not been cooperative at all
throughout the trip, and had refused to change out of his heavy fire-rat kimono.
Shippo: And mommy and daddy used to always take me
out and we'd jump under the waves. It was scary, but it was so much fun!
Kagome: Wow! That's great Shippo! If you'd
like we can do that later.
As the group walk over the hill, Miroku nearly faints with joy. About
fifty people dot the beach. The beach is huge, so there's more than enough room and there will be no crowded spaces.
But in those fifty people, about twenty of them were beautiful girls, every one wearing bikinis.
Miroku: *says a prayer* Thank you, thank you,
thank you!
Sango: *whaps him with her boomerang* Down, Miroku,
down!
Miroku: *grabs Sango's rear* Of course my love!
I only have eyes for you!
Sango: *WHAP!*
Kagome: You should have left that thing in the Jeep.
People are staring at you.
It was true, many people were staring at her, but the majority of them
were staring at Inuyasha. A blond surfer dude walks up to him, slowly circling.
Surfer Dude Sid: Dude, don't you like know it's over
ninety?
Inuyasha: Feh... Kagome the people in your era are
morons.
Surfer Dude Sid: Cuz, like u can get heat stroke and
all sorts of crap if you're going to be running around like that.
Inuyasha: Idiot! Get out of my face!
Surfer Dude Sid: Whoah, someone needs to like, cut
back on the caffeine!
Inuyasha: *cracking his knuckles, we all know what
that means* I told you to get lost!
Kagome: Inuyasha! Don't you dare! I'll
say the word!
Surfer Dude Sid: *Grins at Sango* Hey, you're
pretty cute! You look pretty athletic! Know how to surf?
Sango: *blushing* I stay active. It takes
a great deal of training to slay as many demons as I have.
Surfer Dude Sid: *blinks as if trying to comprehend
her words* Dude! That's cool, but you should get a different board, that one looks kinda weird. *points
to her giant boomerang*
Sango: *raises her eyebrow* That's my weapon.
It's not a ... board.
Surfer Dude Sid: *grabs her by the hand* Come,
on take off the rags and let's go rent you a board.
Miroku rolls his eyes, expecting Sango to whap him with the boomerang like
she had when he'd ask, but instead, she slipped out of the baggy over clothes, revealing a sporty black and silver bikini.
Sango takes off with him, leaving a shocked and miserable miroku.
Miroku: That's not right. That's so not right.
Kagome: You pervert! A second ago you were thanking
Budda for the pretty girls on the beach, and now you're upset because Sango went off with a hot guy?
Inuyasha: He was not hot!
Kagome: You're just jealous!
Inuyasha: Jealous of that wimp?
Kagome: Yes! He's having a blast, and you're
here all surly
and miserable!
Inuyasha: I am not miserable!
Kagome: So you admit you're surly!
Inuyasha: I don't even know what surly means!
Kagome: Jerk!
Inuyasha: Idiot!
Miroku: I'm leaving. Please don't kill each other.
Come on, Shippo. You can help me.
Shippo: Can we go swimming? I wanna play in the
waves!
Miroku: If you help me, then I'll take you swimming.
Shippo: I don't like the sound of this.
The two walk off, Miroku intensely explaining his plan. Wonder if
it involves girls?
Inuyasha: I can't believe you're being so immature
about this!
Kagome: I'm being immature! You won't
even put on swimming trunks!
Inuyasha: Fine! I'll put them on!
Kagome: Thank you! Go change in the Jeep!
Inuyasha: *muttering to himself as he walks away*
Stupid girl! No jewel shards in America!
Kagome: Hurry back!
For several minutes, Kagome is left alone. She waits on the beach,
and lays back, staring up at the fluffy clouds. Suddenly a shadow appears over her. It's Inuyasha. Inuyasha
appears to have simply pulled his swim trunks on over his kimono, making it stick out in strange places.
Kagome: *Laughing uncontrollably* Inuyasha!
Inuyasha: I don't understand the point of these stupid
things! I don't get it!
Kagome: You're supposed to take your clothes off before
you put the trunks on!
Inuyasha: Oh, stupid. * begins to undress*
Kagome: No! Inuyasha! You can't do that
here! Go change in the Jeep!
Inuyasha: Feh... this is so dumb!
Kagome laughs uncontrollably as she watches Inuyasha go, then flops back
onto her towel, and closes her eyes, enjoying the warm sunshine on her skin. Suddenly a shadow appears, blocking her
light.
Kagome: What now Inu-
She starts to yell at him, but to her surprise, it's not Inuyasha standing
over her, it's a very different demon. It's Koga!
Kagome: Koga! What are you doing here!
Get out of here before Inuyasha sees you!
Koga: Where is that filthy mutt! I've got to
show him once and for all that you're my woman!
Kagome: *putting her sunglasses on* Koga!
I am not your woman! I am not Inuyasha's woman! Let me alone!
Inuyasha appears, wearing his swimming trunks properly this time.
His kimono is gone, most likely left in the Jeep.
Kagome was struck dumb, she'd figured Inuyasha would be muscular, but,
wow, he looked like he could juggle tractor trailers. Which he most likely could.
Kagome: *goes all googly eyed* Wow...
Inuyasha: What are you doing here!
Koga: Stupid dog! I'm here for my woman!
Kagome: Grrrrr! *smacks him in the head*
I am not your woman!
Inuyasha: *reaches for tetsusaiga, but realizes that
he doesn't have it with him* I left the sword in the metal carriage!
Kagome: Car... why can't you just call it a car?
Inuyasha: Keh... I don't need tetsusaiga to beat a
wuss like you! Prepare to die, wolf!
The two tear at one another and Kagome stands up angry.
Kagome: Stop it! Sit!
Inuyasha hits the sand, sending a cloud of sand up into the air, all over
Koga. It gets in his eyes and he begins to howl pitifully.
Kagome: you idiots! Inuyasha stop trying to kill
him! Koga! We went halfway around the world to get away from you and all the other idiots in Feudal Japan, and
what now? You show up here! Go away!
Koga: *rubbing eyes* But... Kagome...
Kagome: Go away!
Koga immediately begins his whirlwind to run away, but stops shortly after
starting.
Koga: *covered in sand and coughing* Keh!
Where'd all that sand come from!
Kagome: Koga! Just leave the way you came!
Koga: Right... *wanders off the beach*
Inuyasha: *climbing out of the sand pit from being
sat and spitting out sand* Kagome! Why won't you just let me kill him!
Kagome: *glares furiously* Why do you want to
kill everyone?
Inuyasha: I do not want to kill everyone!
Kagome: Well anyone we come across, you try to kill!
Inuyasha: Well anyone we come across is trying to kill
us!
Kagome: Shippo was a threat?
Inuyasha: He almost got you turned into a bottle of
Rogaine!
Kagome: Miroku?
Inuyasha: Do the words, "okay, you can kill
him" sound familiar?
Kagome: Shut up!
Inuyasha: *mimicking* Shut up!
Kagome: Hey inuyasha! Sit!
Inuyasha: POOF! *a large cloud of sand appears
when he splats.
Kagome: You are a jerk! Kikyo can have
you! I hate you!
Kagome storms off, most likely to blow off some steam. Inuyasha crawls
out of his pit in the sand, and shakes miserably, spraying sand everywhere.
Inuyasha: I'm not a jerk.
Miroku: That may not be a point you want to try to
argue.
Inuyasha: What are you doing here? I thought
you were picking up girls?
Miroku: It seems that none of them wish to bear me
my child.
Inuyasha: Speaking of kids, where's the brat?
Miroku: *goes very pale* If you'll excuse me...
Inuyasha: Hey! If you lose him, Kagome will kill
me!
Miroku tears off downt he beach, his purple swimtrunks dissappearing over
a sand dune quickly.
Inuyasha: I am so screwed. *flops backwards,
accidentally falling back into his hole*
Inuyasha leaps back out of his hole and decides to take a walk. The
sand makes it hard for him to walk, and he keeps tripping. Eventually he decides to go for a swim. Sad thing is.
He only knows the doggy paddle. But beyond, Inuyasha's sight, Kagome walks slowly along the beach. The water pulls
at her toes and she sighs restlessly. She spots a pink jellyfish, half-buried in the sand.
Jellyfish: Pssst! Kagome!
Kagome: Kyaaaaaaaaaah! Talking jellyfish!
Jellyfish: Kagome! It's me! Shippo!
Kagome: Why are you a jellyfish?
Shippo (Jellyfish): 'Cause Miroku keeps making me turn
into stupid animals to impress girls!
Kagome: Where is that dirty monk?
Shippo: He went for a walk with some girl, but I heard
a slap, so I'm guessing he went back to our stuff.
Kagome: I'm going to kill him! You can't just
leave little kids behind!
Shippo: I'm not a little kid! I'm the great fox
demon Shippo! *turns back into a kitsune*
Kagome: Sure.
Shippo: *steams* I'm not a little kid!
Kagome: Come on Shippo! What do you say we go
get Miroku!
Shippo: Yeah!
The two conspiritorially talk. Poor Miroku. I almost feel sorry
for the little pervert. . . Almost. Back at the towels where they laid all their stuff, Inuyasha returns from his swim.
He shakes miserably, pulling a clump of seaweed out of his hair and tossing it on the ground. Kagome walks up with shippo,
and she sits down next to him, watching him fuss and worry.
Inuyasha: Stupid demon! If I catch that water-controlling
feind!
Kagome: What happened to you? What are you fussing
about?
Inuyasha: Feh! Stupid demon's hiding around here
somewhere. I can't see him or smell him, but he's got to be here!
Kagome: Demon? We're not in feudal Japan anymore
Inuyasha. There are no demons here.
Inuyasha: Really? Shows how much you know!
I was swimming and this wall of water comes up and smacks me down into the sand. Just as I managed to stand up, another
one came! I couldn't do anything, they just kept coming! Hey! You're laughing!
Kagome: *laughing uncontrollably* Waves!
Inuyasha: What?
Kagome: Waves!
Inuyasha: What kind of waves? I've never seen
a lake like this in my life!
Kagome: It's not a lake you moron! It's the ocean!
Inuyasha: Ocean... right...
Kagome: You mean to tell me you've never been to the
ocean?
Inuyasha: And when exactly do I have time? I'm
always saving you!
Kagome: You live on an island! A tiny island,
and you've never seen the ocean???
Inuyasha: You had better stop laughing!!
Kagome: Come on Inuyasha, come swim with Shippo and
I. Our revenge on Miroku can wait until later.
Inuyasha: Where are we going? *allows himself
to be pulled toward the ocean*
Kagome: We're going wave hopping!
Inuyasha: Ohhh no! I'm not going anywhere near
that miserable lake again!
Kagome: Come on! A great big demon like you,
afraid of a little water?
Inuyasha: I'm only half demon!
Kagome: I'm no demon!
Inuyasha: Fine!
Kagome: Good!
Shippo: I'm scared now. If you say sit while
we're out there, he'll drag us under!
Kagome: I'm not going to say... the word.
Inuyasha: You had better not.
Kagome, Inuyasha, and Shippo make
their way down to the beach, and Kagome begins showing them the wonders of wave-hopping. Miroku has been extremely frustrated
looking for Shippo. The last thing he wants is for Kagome to be mad at him on top of every other girl on the beach.
He returns to their spot and catches sight of Kagome in her green bathing suit. He notices two very bedragled demons
hanging onto her, one Shippo and one Inuyasha. Suddenly Sango, being pushed by Surfer Dude Sid, comes up. Surfer
Dude Sid looks kinda nervous and scared.
Surfer Dude Sid: Like I'm
all for the empowered chick thing, but dude! That was a six thousand dollar board! I worked at the Squilly Sqirrel
Sandwich Shop for a year to save up that money!
Sango: Let go of me!
*shakes her fist at him angrily* What should I have done? That demon would have shredded you!
Surfer Dude Sid: It was a
shark, a sand shark at that! You are one crazy chick! But you had better plan on paying for my board!
Sango: *staring at him stupidly*
I told you, I don't make money. I'm a demon slayer. I do it for free, and then take parts of the demon in order
to make armor and weapons for slaying the next one! I don't have money and I have no need of it!
Surfer Dude Sid: Look, you
can't just bust a dude's board and not expect to pay for it!
Sango: Scream all you want,
I don't have any money! Besides! It's not as though you were doing anything to protect us!
Surfer Dude Sid: Sand sharks
aren't like deadly! You should know that!
Sango: I have never seen
one before. How was I to know?
Surfer Dude Sid: I am sooooo
gonna sue you!
Sango: Go ahead and try!
I don't have any money!
Surfer Dude Sid storms off down
the beach. Where's his laid-back, duuuuuuuude attitude now? Huh? You loser! She saved you from a potentially
harmless situation! You should be greatful!
Miroku: The people in this
place are crazy.
Sango: Really!
Miroku: I was told that they
were going to sue me too.
Sango: What is suing anyway?
Miroku: I assume it's some
sort of attack. I'm not really sure. Most likely it's simalar to Inuyasha's Iron Reaver.
Sango: It doesn't sound like
fun.
Miroku: I doubt it is.
Inuyasha, Kagome, and Shippo all
walk up to the two. Inuyasha's looking particularly betraggled, and he keeps flicking his ears to get the water off
them. He stops, drops to his hands and feet and shakes. Water sprays everywhere. Shippo laughs and does
the same thing. Before they're done, everyone in the area is absolutely soaked. People glare at them as they walk
past.
Inuyasha: That was kind of enjoyable. I
still think there's a demon out there messing with that water.
Miroku: Shippo! What have you been up to today?
Shippo: You mean after you made me turn into a bunny
to show that girl with yellow hair?
Miroku: No. . . *he's lookin' kinda nervous to me.*
Shippo: Before I had to be a puppy for that girl with
the orange suit?
Miroku: Eh. . .
Shippo: Oh, you mean after the girl with the really
long ponytail?
Miroku: *ventures a glance at Sango* Um. . .
Sango: *she's looking a little red in the face to me*
You. . . pervert!!!
*Miroku grins nervously as Sango grabs her boomerang.
He takes off running down the beach and she tears after him screaming threats and promising pain when she catches him*
Kagome: *watches with half-hearted aggravation*
You know what? I give up! It's impossible, you know, for us to ever go anywhere and have fun!
Inuyasha: *blinks* Fun?
Kagome: Yes! Fun! Don't you know what fun
is?
Inuyasha: Feh, of course. I just don't see how
THIS is fun!
Kagome: *shakes her head* The beach is fun, with
out the pervert, and the murderous not girlfriend and the psychotic wolves showing up and the idiot acting stupid!
Inuyasha: Um. . .
Kagome: And of course, when there's actually something
to do that doesn't involve fighting or murdering of some sort. Then again, it was fun when we were playing in the waves
with Shippo.
Suddenly there is a strange whirring sound, like something
holding a soul. Then it happens! Kikyo appears, floating on her soulcatchers from the ocean. She is actually
wearing a swimsuit, a white one at that.
Kikyo: Inuyasha!
Inuyasha: *blinks* Kikyo?
Kagome: Inuyasha!
Kikyo: Kagome!
Kagome: Kikyo!
Inuyasha: Kagome?
Kikyo: Inuyasha!
Shippo: Everyone shut up!
Everyone looks at shippo in surprise and he shakes his head
and wanders off muttering something about how immature adults are.
Inuyasha: Kikyo, why are you here?
Kikyo: I crossed the ocean so that we may go to the
afterlife together!
Kagome: *blinks* But...that's the atlantic ocean.
. .Japan's across the Pacific. . .
Kikyo: Shut up! Who invited you into this anyway?
Kagome: Excuse me, but that story is total bologne!
Kikyo: What?!? Inuyasha, would you let her speak
to me in such a way?
Inuyasha: Kagome. . .
Kagome: Inuyasha! What's wrong with you, she's
playing you! She couldn't have crossed the ocean unless she went the opposite direction and went the whole way around the world!
Inuyasha: Around the world? You mean like
if it were round?
Kagome: *rubs her eyes* The world IS round, you
stupid idiot!
Kikyo: Inuyasha, pay attention to me! Why do
you waste time on this girl?
Inuyasha: Kikyo, I. . .
Kagome: Let him alone!
Inuyasha: Kagome!
Kagome: Oh! I know it! You're going to
start defending that crazy clay pot!
Inuyasha: Kagome!!
Kagome: Sit!!! Sit!!! *with each cry, inuyasha sends
up a cloud of sand and sinks deeper into a hole in the ground*
Kikyo: Ouch. . .
Kagome: I have had just about
enough of you!
Kikyo: Of me? You dare presume that you can grow
weary of me?
Kagome: *grabs her jar of lemonade out of the picnic
basket and throws it in Kikyo's face* You stupid pot!
Kikyo: Ack! I'm melting! Melting!
Melting! Oh what a world, what a world! *swoons gracefully to the ground*
Kagome: *prods her with her foot* She's dead.
Kikyo: Yes I am, but i didn't melt!
Kagome: Why not?
Kikyo: I'm made of clay.
. .baked clay. . .I'm not going to pieces over a little water.
Kagome: Lemonade.
Kikyo: Whatever.
Inuyasha: Kagome, wench! Where are you?
*he's still in the hole*
Kikyo: *stands up and grins at Kagome triumphantly.*
I'm still here.
Kagome: *grins brilliantly* What happens if you
throw water on white clothes?
Kikyo: Excuse me?
Inuyasha: Kagome! What are you talking about?
Kagome: They get see-through, right?
Kikyo: Okay. . .
Inuyasha: Kagome! You stupid girl! Why
did you sit me?
Kagome: Sit! *an oof is heard from the hole*
As i was saying. Now, what color is your swimsuit?
Kikyo: Oh crap!
Kagome: *Laughs gleefully* Everyone can see through
your suit now!
Kikyo: Nooooo! *clamps her arms across her chest*
You little - I'll get you.
Kagome: Yeah, yeah.
Kikyo is carried away by her soul catchers, back out to sea.
Kagome: I still don't see where she's going to go in
that direction.
Inuyasha leaps out of the hole and glares at Kagome menacingly.
Inuyasha: Where's Kikyo? Where did she go?
Kagome: Sit.
Inuyasha: Oof!
Kagome shakes her head wearily, and she sees down the
beach, a pretty blonde lifeguard animatedly yelling at Sango and helping a half-drowned Miroku walk up the beach.
Lifeguard: Are you crazy?
Sango: It's Miroku. I had my reasons.
Lifeguard: It is against the law to drown people!
I don't know where you come from, but here - eeee!
Miroku: *is feeling up the lifeguard who was carrying
him. She drops him and jumps away* Uhnnnn...
Sango: See?
Lifeguard: Next time, I let you drown! *she storms
of the beach after whapping Miroku with her rescue tube*
Kagome: Sango, did you try to drown him?
Sango: Perhaps. I dropped my weapon.
Shippo: *circles Miroku* Whoah, what
happened to you?
Miroku: Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.
Shippo: What?
Miroku: You'll understand someday.
Kagome: That's the final straw. We're leaving.
All of us. Get the stuff. We're going back to Japan. I'm sick of trying. That's it. No
more vacations. Ever.
Kagome continues ranting all the way home to Japan.
The others start tuning her out after the third hour, and they all go home. Inuyasha, being fair of hair and
complexion has been nursing a sunburn ever since and has refused to remove his kimono since. I bet that thing's
a little rancid by now. Anyway. Strangely enough, Sango is helping Kagome plan another trip. It's
to a strange place called the mall. Perhaps things will go better on that trip
